Junto Boys

SUNDAY ON 60 MINUTES

Dan Rather finally unfolds the real story behind Osama Bin Laden and 9-11 . . .

Osama bin Laden has got a trunk full of documents that prove Bush got special treatment in the National Guard, but it goes deeper than that. You've heard that Bush's father is friendly with the Saudi's? What's little known is how Bush and Osama grew up together and use to fish on the banks of the Mississippi. Osama's father was a drunk who use to beat him and he'd spend a lot of time at the Bush household eating dinner. Once the pair got into High School, the popular Osama dissed Bush for a more trendy clique. After High School, Osama volunteered for Vietnam while Bush squeaked into Yale and then the National Guard.

After fighting two distinguished tours and a brief capture by the enemy, Osama got a nasty whiff of Agent Orange and was sent back to the states where he was spit on as a baby killer. It not only made him angry but violated his Kosher upbringing. Bush, who was still sore over Osama's popularity in High School, fixed it so that the young man couldn't get his G.I. Bill money for college. With no education he had a choice of being a homeless beggar or turn to a life of crime. Such is America.

Osama then went to the Middle East where Bush ruined every oil deal Osama tried to put together. Finally, when his unemployment benefits expired on September 10th 2001 he decided to blackmail Bush with the National Guard documents. Bush would have none of it. With the help of the Israeli government, Bush orchestrated an attack on the Twin Towers. The Jews called in sick, the Towers came down and Bush had his excuse to go after Bin Laden before the National Guard Documents could materialize. As an unexpected but welcome effect, Bush's popularity rose. This is where the story gets crazy.

Posing as a young Latino girl, Osama was able to filter some of the damning documents to Bill Burkett and then to Dan Rather. Osama knew if he were identified the story would be discounted as a partisan attack. He's been meaning to lay low, but he can't stand Bush's distortions against John Kerry, a man he served with. After 10 minutes of on-camera chin boogies by Rather and barely 3 minutes of Bin Laden face time, Rather states categorically that he doesn't know the full truth behind the story, but that the White House has a lot of explaining to do and so far they have remained silent. Don’t forget to get out and vote on Tuesday.

Andy Rooney ends the show going through his Kerry for President junk mail.