Junto Boys

SCOTCH TASTING

For the low low price of $10 I was given the opportunity to try seven varieties of single malt scotch last night. They began light and fruity and ended dark and smoky, each having its own character and flavor traits or that's what I was told. I did like some better than others but I wasn't tasting basil in one and roses in another. It tasted a lot like whisky.

Leading the taste fest was a mid 30s distributor dude who wore the satan version of goatee and clothing that looked dress-up for a beach campfire. He wore an odd necklace made of a leather strap and dangling from the end was rocky thing that suggested a talisman. Also on hand was a fortyish dame of Mediterranean descent that looked every bit the party girl back in her day. She was dressed better than the dude wearing an expensive enough black outfit, but still acted the party girl by showing as much cleavage as possible even if it meant carrying her arms in such a way. She worked for the company that owns several distilleries that comprise the Johnny Walker family.

The tasting started 20 minutes late so the guys that showed up 20 minutes earlier started doing shots and were toasted enough that one was trying to get the phone number of a waitress and another one was trying to stump the experts about the production of scotch. My favorite of his questions was "Does the residual sugar in a cask of scotch effect its viscosity." The satan dude simply said pass. The women stuck somewhere between girl and lady attempted an answer, but this being an hour into the event and she having tried 7 varieties of scotch and all of 102 pounds, the eyes were having trouble staying open. The question came from behind me and since I couldn't see the dude asking it, her eyes as she answered made me think that they were slowly hypnotizing her.

The beach guy explained that single malt results only from the best stock on any given year. The rest of the scotch is use to blend a more consistent though less expensive product. Johnny Walker Red is a combination of around 20 different scotches anywhere from 3-8 years old. Johnny Walker Black is from 20 different kinds at least 12 years old. The expensive Blue Label Johnny Walker has some Scotch aged around 50 years

I also learned that single malt isn’t the same as single barrel. Single malt simply has to come from the same batch. The explanation as to why some of the stock is better than the rest wasn’t quite explained to my satisfaction. He kept saying it was like stew where once it’s cooked to a peak level it’s perfect to eat, but the stew cooked not quite enough or just too much has to be blended together to make an even product. The stew that is cooked just right becomes single malt. I should have asked him why they don’t cook it all to the peak levels, but you could only get in so many questions before the next round of fire water was burning your tongue.

The expensive scotch prices of today are a result of scotch’s decline in popularity about 20 years ago. Now that scotch is back, the older varieties are scarce because production had dropped due to demand. You can blame the Japanese that consume the stuff in great numbers.

The owner told me of his woes. He owns but four stores and the big ABC chain is buying in such bulk that he’s getting squeezed. He told me of a champagne brand that he could get at wholesale for $29 that ABC was selling for $28. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he should make ABC his wholesaler. He also kept pushing people to see his Metro West store that stocks 700 kinds of beer. That I might try.

I think the intent of the evening was to get me interested in buying a bottle of scotch especially since I was given a $5 coupon to do so. The reality is that I tasted so many different kinds of straight whisky that I’d just as soon not see another glass for 6 months. Even something you like has its limits. I can’t even imagine drinking anything the color of iced tea. But if I do ever buy the vile stuff again, I might try something he called Highland Park. It reminded me of bourbon with a thick smoky taste and the burning aftertaste that reminded me of those Fire sticks we use to buy at 7-11 in our youth.