Junto Boys

SPAM FROM TEXAS DOLLY

This might be the most unintentionally funny spam I've read all year. I think the intern stole Doyle's email password. Commentary by me.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
"Doyle Brunson, in partnership with Leonardo DiCaprio, would like to take this opportunity to present to you a project that has been extremely important to everyone at the Doyle Brunson Poker Network. Global warming and the negative effects it has on mankind, is an issue that we have taken very seriously.

LEO: Where did you first hear of global warming?
DOYLE: From you at the Bogata. You?
LEO: Christian Slater told me.

In an effort to help educate poker players as well of the rest of the world about this important issue, Doyle Brunson and Leonardo DiCaprio, have partnered to produce the feature film environmental documentary entitled "The 11th Hour" which is now being distributed worldwide by Warner Bros. studio.

DOYLE: Leo, there are poker players and then the rest of the world.
LEO: What's the best way to educate the rest of the world?
DOYLE: Not really a good idea if you want to make a living at poker.

We don't know how things are in your life, but no matter what's going on, this planet has got you beat. We've made it sick, and it, in turn, is sick and tired of us. We have the floods, fires, droughts, heat waves, melting ice caps, and endangered or extinct species to prove it.

DOYLE: My life is great really. We gave up the Texas bookie joint back in the 50s and eventually moved out here to Vegas. Now I have a big energy burning, water wasting mansion in the desert. You can't grow anything out here without a truck of chemicals. All the food has to be driven here from hundreds of miles away. If Louis XVI only had it so good.
LEO: What was it like in the old days before floods, fires, droughts, heat waves, melting ice caps and extinct animals?
DOYLE: Back then you could get sirloin for 35 cents a pound.

The film, featuring DiCaprio, exposes these issues with an array of stunning visuals and expert analysis from renowned experts

LEO: I thought of this last night - "expert analysis from renowned experts"
DOYLE: Poker Rooms have actually gotten a little colder over the years. You'd have to write a script if you want me to be an expert.
LEO: Nah, we're going to get celebrities, scientists outside their field of expertise, and then just whatever guy we find on the street that scares easily and put them all on camera.
DOYLE: And call them experts.
LEO: Better than calling them a hodge podge of people who would participate.

such as physicist Stephen Hawking

HAWKING: Which should I say, hotter or colder?
FIELD PRODUCER: We'd prefer hotter, but you're the scientist.
HAWKING: Hotter then. I don't want to be on the cutting room floor. When that Star Trek cameo repeats I get a sizable spike at Amazon.
FIELD PRODUCER: Do you think it will rain tomorrow?
HAWKING: How the hell do I know?

and Kenyan activist (and 2004 Nobel Peace Prize winner) Wangari Maathai

FIELD PRODUCER: Mr. DiCaprio doesn't sign autographs and you may address him as Leo on camera but off camera it's strictly Mr. DiCaprio or sir.
MAATHAI: It would be for my daughter.
FIELD PRODUCER: Leo is tired of everyone's daughter. Is it hot here or not? Right, so just tell him you think so.

as well as Andrew Weil

FIELD PRODUCER: You're the guy who helped ruin Dr. Leary?
WEIL: Yeah, I'm into juicing and deep breathing now.
FIELD PRODUCER: We think you're a squealing pig. But nice to have you on this.

and Mikhail Gorbachev.

FIELD PRODUCER: So uh, when did you notice it getting warmer?
GORBY: Right after Reagan handed me my ass and that ended. . . wait for it. . . the COLD WAR.

Their opinions, along with the observations made by people from all walks of life,

JOE: Six months ago it was freezing and now I can't walk to the mini mart without getting swamp ass.
FRANK: Me too.
JOE: I wish they'd produce a movie to explain why.
FRANK: And even if the whys were clouded in conjecture at supposition there would be no reason why we shouldn't change life as we know it in order to feel better about ourselves.
JOE: And a promise to end swamp ass.

make a compelling case that if we human beings don't change our ways soon, we're doomed.

LEO: Can we get the "Profit of Doom" for this?
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: He's in the middle of a 3 picture deal with Michael Moore but we could reference him here and there.
LEO: Check with the lawyers.

"Save the Planet," as humorist George Carlin says, decrying the arrogance of the environmentalists' motto. "The planet isn't going anywhere - we are."

LEO: I don't get this quote. Do we need it?
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: Carlin's funny. Have you heard that thing about his "stuff" or all those curse words.
LEO: Yeah, but I heard those words already.
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: Carlin is saying that the chances of us dying are even greater if we don't stop global warming now.
DOYLE: Greater than 100%?

In support of this important message, we are telling all of our family and friends to go to their local theatre and watch the movie. We are confident, that if you understand the issues as we have learned ourselves, you will become as impassioned as we are to do something about it.

GORBY: You're like the smartest guy in the world. Why isn't this problem solved yet?
HAWKING: I don't know. I wake up in the morning, have an omelet, check the west coast box scores, flip around on the TV and it's nearly noon. I keep telling myself that I have to get on this first thing and work through the day, but I just have too many distractions. I sometimes substitute the omelet for an English Muffin and Yogurt. What I need is to watch movies about it and get impassioned.