Saturday, March 01, 2008


Yes that is right, I've decided to throw my hat into the ring as a write-in candidate for the office of President of the United States. What makes me qualified? I have the constitutional requirements, 1). I am over the age of 35, 2). I am a native born citizen. I've decided to run as a third party candidate using the "Junto Boys" party as my platform. So, what is the platform? What does W. Steven Saunders stand for?
1). Government reduced to 1789 levels. We will return the names of the departments to their proper verbiage. Therefore the Department of Defense will return to the Department of War. Further, any department that didn't exist in 1789 will now be defunded and eliminated (Goodbye, commerce, education, energy, social security, medicare, Bureau of Land Management, Interior, etc., etc.).
2). Lower Taxes or no Taxes. Since 90% of the budget will be freed up after reducing the size of government, this will allow for the truly largest tax cut and rebate in U.S. History. The remaining funds will go to Space exploration.
3). The end of the "War of Drugs" and immediate pardon for all non-violent criminals thus eliminating the need to incarcerate thousands.
4). The full prosecution/destruction of terrorists via robotic cyborgs. All human troops will be recalled and returned to U.S. Mainland.
5). Psychotherapy for all via universal Mental Health Care. This will pay for itself due to the rapid increase in our quality of life.
6). A return of online poker and legalized gambling in all 50 states with 30% of the profits going to pay for #5.
7). A chicken in every pot.


Dude said...

I don't care about that other stuff but I could eat that chicken whole.

E said...

Keep only the Department of War and drive the left to the madhouse. Unemployed Arab-Americans from depressed Michigan put to work building more madhouses.

Tom said...

Your rally carried on C-Spen makes me think you're catching fire.

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