SIR SAUNDERS TO SAVE HIGHER EDUCATION
Due to the need for decent benefits, I began applying for "full-time" teaching positions at the local colleges. (Benefits are very expensive for the small, self-employed businessman such as myself--"Full-time" for most college teaching positions are 9 months of work and 12 months of pay, sort of positions, 2 semesters of teaching, with all the academic holiday's to boot!). Not wanting to go back to the public dole via federal employment, I figured a nice college professor position might just be what the "Dr" ordered. This would also allow me to keep my lucrative private practice. I was asked to interview for a position at the University of Central Florida to teach psychology classes at the Clermont/Ocala campuses (the Western region of UCF). The first round of interviews were via the telephone. I passed those and went on to the next round. I was interviewed by 8 different people over 6 hours. The first interview was with the Vice-President of the Western Region. A professional woman who had not read my resume. But who, nonetheless, seemed mostly interested. This was at the Clermont campus. We chatted a bit and I moved on to the next person which was after lunch and over at the Orlando Campus. I then interviewed with the Chairman of the Department; a lovely gentleman who mostly talked about his own research interests.
I then was taken to a conference room. Present was the assistant chair, two professors, and two professors live via video conference from the Daytona campus. I was impressed with the state-of-art video resolution, sound, and ease of discourse. This interview lasted about an hour. I then had 30minutes to prepare a teaching demonstration. I then taught a 30minute sample course (my subject of choice: The Schizophrenic in a forensic setting). Much to my surprise, my usual shenanigans were a big hit with this group and they even appreciated my off-center humor.
Last week I was called by the Chair and offered a full-time "Lecturer" position with UCF in the Western region with a nice salary and all the delicious state benefits.
Now my good Junto Boys, you might be asking "Sir Saunders, why do you bore us with this tale." It is because I need your help. My plight: What now? Although I've taught college classes before, this is my first full-time professor position at a major university. I actually want to succeed at this. Being a Junto Boy, it is both in my nature and my obligation to teach these classes according to our Libertarian/Conservative code. But how do I without being fired or offend the gentle liberal spirits of my fellow professors? In my tour of the campus, I was amazed at how much college has changed since I was taking classes in the 80's and 90's. Everything is very high-tech. There are data ports and video conferencing capabilities in every classroom. The prof's are issued a laptop that you can plug into. You move a file you want to share to the classroom intranet and all the students can download it! Impressive.
But have all these changes yielded any advancement in the political arena? Often during my tenure as a student, I was frowned upon and shunned for my more Libertarian/Conservative views. And of course as a test, my first class assigned to teach this fall? Psychology of Women! How does a cigar smoking, poker playing, beer making/drinking, Christian, conservative/Libertarian Republican like me hope to successfully teach a left-wing feminist created course?
Perhaps it's time to move Higher Ed to Higher Enlightenment. Hopefully, they are ready for my brand of high-brow spin. Either that or this will be the shortest tenure of any professor at that fine institution.