Junto Boys

Dennis Miller's conversion to the right has been a lot of fun. I'm surprised how many different jokes he can make from world events. Because no other commedian is shooting from the right, all of his material seems brand new. Here's an excerpt from a recent interview by American Enterprise.

THE CLINTONS


TAE: How would Americans respond to Senator Clinton as a Presidential candidate?

MILLER: Forty percent of voters would probably support her. I’d like to think there’s 60 percent who wouldn’t. Most people know that the Clintons are just career politicians, but it’s amazing to me that some people really believe in them. Bill and Hillary’s marriage couldn’t have been any more about convenience than if they’d installed a Slim Jim rack and Slurpee machine at the base of their bed.

TAE: Do you dislike Senator Clinton’s political ideology, too?

MILLER: I have an across-the-board disapproval of her. In 1998, when Bill was first accused of having an affair with Monica Lewinsky, Hillary went on NBC’s “Today” show and attributed the allegations to a “vast right-wing conspiracy.” That seemed extremely stupid to me. Name the people. She can spend 30 years of her life apologizing for her husband’s indiscretions if she wants to, but at the same time she shouldn’t champion herself as the ideal woman. In 1992, Hillary told the press, “I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas.” That statement really bugged me. She’s in essence as “cookie” as one can get because of the kind of treatment she’s accepted from her husband. I think most women would have said, “Quit screwing around on me or I’m out of here.”

TAE: What do you think of the Clintons reinventing themselves as New Yorkers?

MILLER: I view Hillary as an inverted carpetbagger. I’m convinced that Bill Clinton put her up there because he knew New York was a community property state, vis-à-vis divorce settlements.

TAE: Is it safe to say you were not impressed with how she handled 9/11?

MILLER: Well, Rudy Giuliani, who is often portrayed as an unfeeling, Hitler-like guy by the liberals, attended scores of memorial services for the victims. He exhibited great sympathy for people. Hillary, on the other hand, didn’t go to a single one until it became an issue and then I think she probably hit a couple just to get her record square. She didn’t belong in New York in the first place.


THE DEMOCRATC FIELD


TAE: What are your thoughts on the current state of Democratic candidates running for President?

MILLER: I haven’t seen a starting nine like this since the ’62 Mets. They lost 120 games.

TAE: What about North Carolina’s Senator John Edwards?

MILLER: There are enough litigious people in this country. I don’t need the Commander in Chief serving papers on our enemies: “You will be deposed, Mr. Hussein!”


WHAT IF GORE HAD WON?


TAE: How do you think the country would have been different had Al Gore been President on September 11, 2001?

MILLER: Gore doesn’t have a real sense of self. He probably would have invaded Afghanistan –but almost anyone would have done that. But go into Iraq? I doubt it. Hans Blix and the Scooby Doo van would still be driving around looking for weapons, like something in a Mack Sennett silent film. You could hear that music where Blix goes in the front door and the weapons come out the back. That’s what I used to imagine when I saw Blix.


GIULIANI AND HITLER


TAE: You’ve become more conservative over the years. How do you explain this shift?

MILLER: I’m not as sure of my guesswork anymore. To be on the Left, you have to be amazingly certain about things you’re guessing at, and I felt like a phony. I was looking for ideas, and all I was getting from liberals was, “We’d like a little more of your money, and we’re kind of reticent to protect you from bad guys.” Really? That’s all you’re offering? I gotta go! I can’t stay anymore. Also, when I kept hearing liberals equating Giuliani with Hitler—that’s when I really left the reservation. Even before 9/11, I’d travel to New York and say, “Wow, this city certainly seems to be running better.” Giuliani is the kind of leader I admire. When it’s five degrees below zero and you arrest somebody to get him inside and off the street—that’s not something Hitler would do. It made me realize that I was with the wrong group if that’s what Hitler looked like to them.

TAE: Where do you see the danger in that?

MILLER: I always wondered how Hitler happened. I even went so far as to read William L. Shirer’s The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. I read all 1,200 pages and at the end of it I remember thinking, “Yeah, but how does Hitler happen?” Part of it has to do with the Left mislabeling people as Hitler. It’s like Pierce Brosnan at the end of the remake of The Thomas Crown Affair. He dressed everybody up in the same Bowler cap and overcoat, and then he walks right through the middle of them without being noticed. The Left is so busy saying John Ashcroft is Hitler, and President Bush is Hitler, and Rudy Giuliani is Hitler that the only guy they wouldn’t call Hitler was the foreign guy with the mustache who was throwing people who disagreed with him into the wood-chipper.